Renewing

| Kelly Barrow @ Faithacre Studio

This blog site came up for renewal recently and I did nothing. Reminder after reminder came and went…and I still did nothing. But today, I decided that ignoring things was an old coping mechanism and not one that worked effectively.

I logged on and was shocked to find that I haven’t written here since February 2021. It honestly doesn’t seem like it has been that long and somehow seems to be much longer than that.

This jar sits on my shelf…

It is full of cards that I made years ago when I was enthusiastic about sharing them. And then life happened and sharing them was not an option and then more life happened in the form of a severe depressive episode that morphed into a need to re-evaluate everything.

I’m cleaning out my studio today – mindfully making decisions about what kind of art I want (need) to make now and what supplies I need to do so.

I crave less and less personal belongings and more space and freedom.

At the beginning of the year I chose the word “abundance” to guide my decisions. Almost two years of therapy and hard work has shown me that I tend to live in fear and a mindset of scarcity. I collect and possibly hoard things that I might need someday in order.

Thinking about doing things and actually doing them are (of course) separate things entirely. Having art supplies is not the same as using art supplies – and being afraid to use them because you won’t have them any longer is crippling and non-productive.

And so – I’m looking at this jar. And wondering what to do with the cards inside. Do I share them as I originally intended?

OR do I let them go and move on. Did making them serve a purpose. Is is time to let them go and acknowledge that there is some grief to be processed with that decision?

Along with the grief, I can almost picture a celebration or who I am becoming with the decision to move on to another project…

OR

Can I do both? Let go of the cards into the world and try something new?

How would an empty jar on the shelf look and feel – like a loss or an opportunity?

8 thoughts on “Renewing”

  1. Kelly – so great to hear your voice again! Kudos on healing and revelation, and may you be graced with courage to re-engage creativity, however that looks!

    As to the cards in the jar, I’ll gladly take some off your hands and distribute them at my concerts and outings!

    Much peace to you in BEING…and as you BE, may re-creation overflow from you!

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    1. Hi Joey, It’s good to hear from you also. I follow your music-making adventures on Facebook and hope someday to see you perform in person again! Thank you for the positive comment – creativity has been the most challenging thing to get back into. Recovery and healing is not for the faint of heart and definitely requires patience and hope. I’m attempting to figure out what is next creatively. I’d love to send some cards to you. What address would be best. Thank you for your continued presence in my life. You are an amazing person and I appreciate you.

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  2. I feel you should share your beautiful cards. I received one and loved it and still have it. By sharing your artwork you may be the only bright part of someone’s day. The jar will eventually be empty and you can feel a world of accomplishment in knowing you brighten people days. Thanks Janet

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